If you have raised kids (or been one), and have gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong"
"He's just lying there looking sick", he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom.
"Honey", I called, "come look at the hamster!"
"Oh, my gosh", my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies".
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired.
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys", I reminded her
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know", she informed me.
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience", I announced.
"OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here too,
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would
"We don't appear to be making much progress", I noted.
"It's breech", my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared,
"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet", I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze", his mother noted to him.
The vet took Ernie to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting", he murmured.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly", the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor.
"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity,
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just...Excited?", my wife offered.
"Exactly", the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing, that the woman would
Tears were now running down her face.
"It's just... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... it's... teeny little..."
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad", he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea", my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
What a dad!!!!